New Beginning in the Middle

When my dad passed away, it broke my heart into a million tiny pieces. And apparently it also drained my pen.

The emotions were too much to process and I had always processed them through writing, whether that be blogging or journaling in my personal journal. I couldn't do either. 

I had to be strong- for her, for them, for everyone else. And that meant I couldn't be weak. Showing emotion is weak. I needed to "Cowboy Up" as he would tell me. "Crying never solved anything." I only cried late at night when no one was watching. Maybe sometimes alone in the car. Then I got tired of crying. I became numb. Broken inside. The grief counseling was ineffective and medications seemed to numb me more. I felt I was on my own with this, so I just pushed it all down. 

I couldn't write anymore. I have had a 12 year case of writer's block. But now, I realize, I need that to end. I feel the keyboard calling me and telling me it's time to heal. I decided to create this blog and make it public. It will be raw- but it will be me. The real me. FINALLY.

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